Support.
Resilience.
Healing.

Szalajeski Family

 How did The Center help you?  What was one of your favorite things about coming to The Center?

– Giving participants the tools to help them begin the long road of healing.

What would you like others to know about The Center or your experience here?

– The center is a place where people really get it. They understand what the pain is when you are grieving.

What would you tell families who are thinking about coming to The Center?

– Please come in and give us a few weeks to help you. Love really does count and that is the message The Center gives.

If you had to pick three words to describe The Center, what would they be?

– Understanding, Listening and Healing

Nadeau Family

If you are comfortable sharing, when, why, and for long did you use The Center’s services?

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was 24 and my entire world flipped upside down. It was the first real loss I ever experienced and it hurt really, really bad. I was absolutely devastated, depressed, and hopeless. I turned to The Center for peer support just a few weeks after his passing. I was hesitant, but after the first night of services I left feeling like a ton of bricks was lifted off of my shoulders.

I knew I was where I needed to be. For the next 1.5 years, I couldn’t wait for that one hour a week to be able to express myself. The warm, welcoming feeling that The Center provides with complete strangers is an incredible feeling that is hard to describe. Everyone is understanding, friendly, non-judgmental, and caring.

Years later, I came back to The Center as a facilitator for 4 years! Being a facilitator for the Teen Group was very rewarding. I could relate directly with the kids and I think that helped them trust me as well. I had (& still have) a great bond with those Teens!

I am now a donor and advocate for The Center’s services, and will always be grateful to have had The Center when I needed it the most.

How did The Center help you?

The Center offered a safe place to express my grief where I learned I was not alone. I have a wonderful support group outside of The Center, but there was just something about sharing how I was truly feeling that I only felt comfortable sharing at The Center. The Center encourages you to talk about your grief – that hour a week is your time to share it all; where the “outside world” would rather hear how you’re healing. I believe that part of healing is talking and sharing all aspects of grief – the good, the bad, the ugly.

What was one of your favorite things about coming to The Center?

The people – volunteers, facilitators, other participants (young and old)! Everyone always makes you feel welcome and cared about. I actually met one of my very best friends who was a participant at the same time. She lost her fiancé less than a month after my dad died. We were both young, lost, and grieving. We bonded and could relate to each other. Even though our losses were different, we were having the same emotions. We like to say that we met from the inside-out! Here we are 11 years later and still great friends! I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

How do you think your experience at The Center impacts you now or after you stopped attending groups?

I learned to be a better listener and I am much more empathetic. I use what I learned at The Center in every relationship I have.

How do you think things would be different for you if you had not attended The Center?

That’s a great question – I would probably still be carrying some deep grief.

What would you like others to know about The Center or your experience here?

The Center is a life-changer and in some cases a life-saver to many people who need it. Peer support works!

What would you tell families who are thinking about coming to The Center?

I would say that you have nothing to lose by trying. At The Center you will find hope and love. My first day at The Center made me feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

If you had to pick three words to describe The Center, what would they be?

Hope, Love, Strength

Grocki Family

Our life changed forever in 1993. Tom and I had been married for only 4 years, and our children were one and three. Our life as a family was just beginning, and Tom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a cancer that no one had ever survived. We felt terrified, lost, confused, and very angry. We found The Center, and the Tender Living Care Program very quickly, and it was lifesaving. Before the program we felt like we were in a bubble and everyone else was outside. We felt disconnected. The key was that there was a group for each of us; one for Tom, one for me, and one for each of the kids. Because of this, we didn’t have to worry about protecting each other. We could honestly express our feelings and get relief. The magic was that we didn’t feel we were in a bubble anymore. We had others to connect with that understood. Sometimes words weren’t necessary. We just were. Although our children were very young, they understood what they needed from The Center. When we took a short break, and Tom got into crisis, Hannah, our youngest kneeled quietly looking out the window at the hospital. She said, “Mommy…we need to go back to the center”…and we did.

As Tom became sicker, Ellen, from The Center, would join us in the hospital, and facilitate sharing of emotions with the “heads down, hands up” game.  She would ask about different feelings while we shielded our eyes and raised our hands if the emotion was resonating. This was so helpful, allowing each of us to reveal to Ellen our raw emotions – while not burdening each other. I wanted to save our children from having to experience this pain and was very angry that they had to endure this. Tom told me, “Whatever way my cancer shapes the people that our children will become, we don’t have control over it. But, it will make them stronger somehow”…and, with The Center’s help – it has.

Eli and his dad shared a love of soccer. In the ICU, Eli wanted his dad to know that he’d carry on their passion for the sport and always play soccer. As it turned out, due to a heart issue, and a need for a valve replacement, Eli was unable to do so. When Eli suffered the loss of the soccer dream, he turned to music. This has shaped his life and career, and has increased the depth of his expression, as he has been able to utilize his music and creativity to express his thoughts and feelings. Today Eli continues his songwriting and is embarking on a career in music. He has written songs that reflect on feelings that he has had about the loss of his dad as well as of his grandmother. I believe that he was able to learn from The Center that it was ok to feel.  I believe that The Center gave Eli a space and permission to talk about things, and set the stage for him to be able to further develop this ability as an adult.

Hannah’s time at The Center has been partially responsible for the career she chose, and the direction she is taking in her life. It first connected her with the Circle of Tapawingo camp, which was for girls who had lost a parent. She first went there when she was 8, and she has never left. She is now an adult counselor each summer for a week. The Center, and the camp, certainly helped shape her college essay. Now 24, she just moved to Seattle, and has just begun her first nursing job at Seattle Children’s Hospital. Because of the support she received at The Center, she now is the support for very sick children and their families at the hospital. She has been told she has been able to connect with children in a way that others haven’t.

I returned to The Center years later attending the widow and widowers group and was heartened to realize that throughout all my years at The Center I was well equipped with coping skills and had a lot to offer others. The Center was like our family for many years, and there was plenty of adult support there for me. It was very hard to leave when the children were ready and I wasn’t, so I was happy when this new group was created.

One of the most tender and amazing moments for me, when I realized just how much The Center had done for us, occurred after shattering my femur and hip about 5 years ago, and just having had a difficult surgery. My children were in their early 20’s, and supporting me in the hospital. They both let me know that they now really understood the difficulty of what I had gone through during Tom’s illness and death. How difficult it was to worry about someone you love so much who is in the hospital, and still need to be living life outside the hospital. How difficult it was to want to make sure that they are being taken good care of. I can’t imagine life without The Center. It’s what held us up for so many years, and allowed us to have some life outside of cancer. It allowed us to not feel cut off from others. It gave us strength and some peace of mind. We knew we were not alone.

Ryan Quinn

Ryan, Principal at Kennebunk Elementary School, reached out to The Center for support following devastating losses at his school; a student had died following an illness and soon after faculty member passed away unexpectedly. The CGC worked with the staff, students and parents to help them understand what to expect with the grieving process and how best to find and provide support. Ryan reflects that making this connection was the best thing he could have done – the staff and parents reacted with overwhelming gratitude.

Ryan went on to be an active volunteer at The Center, joining the Steering Committee to give back and to increase community awareness. He decided to go through the training at The Center because he felt it would help him support his school and he ended up falling in love with the work. “It has been incredibly rewarding for me and it has helped me to grow….anybody, regardless of what is currently going on in their life whether they are in a good place or not, can benefit from circle processing and having the opportunity to reflect on how they feel and think about their life.”

Through Ryan’s work on the Steering Committee he learned a lot about relationship development.  As a result he now thinks about these in his professional role as a school principal and has started to include other school systems in the trainings that Kennebunk Elementary is offering. “The experience has been transformational for me.”

Millington Family

Sarah felt angry and alone at age 14 following her father’s death. He had suffered for eight months and died of colon cancer. Initially, she recalls being given a workbook of information as her first connection to The Center. She attended only a few times almost a year later and today emphasizes that it really changed her life.

Time at The Center helped Sarah understand that she wasn’t alone and she describes a spiritual connection she felt with others. One of her favorite things about The Center was that she always felt at home and compares that feeling to the comfort of walking into the warmth and safety of her Grandmother’s living room. “You are ok. Everything is ok.”

Sarah’s Mom was also struggling to cope and The Center really helped open a connection between them. Her Mother really benefitted from the support and learning how to break the ice with her teenager.

Years later, Sarah realizes that she suffered in denial for quite a while and even her short amount of time at The Center changed her path. She remembers just how angry she was and fears things might have gotten much worse without The Center’s support. Talking about her loss and learning how to be there for others was so important, “being there for other people who have gone through what I’ve gone through, really helps me.”

Sarah hopes others won’t be afraid to give The Center a try acknowledging that fear of the unknown can really be an obstacle, especially after a tragedy. “I would tell someone to give it a shot. Maybe that one time will have enough of an impact to make a difference. I’ve been alive longer without my father than I have with him. The power of The Center is what keeps me coming back – almost 20 years, still using resources.”

Seiler Family

Kelly’s father died suddenly in a tragic motorcycle accident when she was eight years old; her sister Kayla, just one. During Kelly’s teenage years, family life was rough and her Mom’s oldest sister suggested The Center. “We all knew something was not working. We needed to try something different. We were all going to attend even if we didn’t all feel it was needed.”

 Kelly recalls being a nervous and quiet 15 year old when she began attending group. “My favorite thing was that we all split up. Having our own group was perfect for us. My peers were talking about whatever was going on in teenage life, like getting a license, but we all had this thing in common that made whatever else we were going through feel ok.”

 Attending The Center was “the perfect bridge” for Kelly, Kayla and their Mom. “Before we had the benefit of our groups we would not discuss our Dad, our sadness or anything we were going through. But once we got involved we could count on our Thursday night ritual of McDonalds and our time at The Center.

 Today Kelly has a family of her own and shares warm reflections about The Center and its vital role in her life. “The Center rescued me at such an impressionable age, helped me figure out there were others like me and that it was ok that my story was a little different.”

 “Even if it’s been a few years since your loss it is still worth going to CGC. The flexibility is so accommodating, they meet you wherever you are with whatever you need. It’s not like entering a program but rather a space that just exists for whatever you need. No choice in your life is going to keep you safe from losing someone. Loss it the common denominator for all of us.” The Center is acceptance, strength and laughter.”