What to Expect When a Loved One Has Died by Suicide

 

Know that this may be the worst pain you will ever feel.  You may experience different emotions, some of them all at one time: denial, shock, confusion, guilt, and PAIN – this is very normal.

 

It is important to know that you can SURVIVE the pain.  There may be times when you don’t think you can, but it is possible.

 

Some common things you may experience are:

 

• Continuing to ask WHY.
• Pain.
• Feeling numb – thinking that nothing else could ever hurt you.
• Not being able to remember things, such as what time or day it is.
• Not being able to concentrate.
• Feeling sometimes that this is not real; it didn’t really happen.
• Thinking you are going crazy because of what you are thinking or feeling.
• Your mind won’t shut off sometimes.  It seems to race all over the place and settle nowhere.
• Feelings of panic – wanting to run away.  You don’t know where – you just want to run, to give up, to escape what has happened.
• Feeling guilty when you catch yourself laughing or smiling at something.
• Fearing you can’t go on living in this pain.

 

Some ways in which you might help yourself:

DO

©       Be patient with others who may not always understand, say or do the right thing.  Most people really do care.

©       Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.  They mean well, but that may not be helpful to you at this time.

©       Learn to say NO.  Don’t set yourself up by agreeing to something you’re not ready for.

©       Learn to ask for help when you need it.  Ask for what you need.

©       Be patient with yourself.  Go at your own pace, but allow those around you to do the same.

©       Remember to take it one day at a time, or as someone very wise once said, one moment at a time.

©       Know that there are groups that can be helpful, such as the Survivors of Suicide (S.O.S.) or other bereavement support groups, such as The Center for Grieving Children.  Call The Center for referrals to other helpful resources.

 

DON’T

©        Isolate yourself.  You may want to – but don’t.

©       Be surprised when after a couple of weeks or a month, the calls slow down, stop or people don’t come by as often.  People who aren’t directly impacted by the death may become busy with other things or scared of feelings they can’t understand.  Seek out the support you need; don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Often those around you may not want to make you sad, you can help them by taking the opportunity to talk and help them understand how you’re feeling.

©       Be surprised if you don’t have the energy to buy groceries or to do laundry.  It’s natural.

©       Be disappointed if just when you think you have things under control, a wave of grief comes back.  It’s natural.

 

 

Adapted from the Link Counseling Center